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Monday, September 9, 2013

FINANCIAL DEPRESSION CONFESSION: Why My Money Woes Were The End of The World!

Have you (or someone you know) ever thought that your money or credit woes were the end of the world? I have.

Many of my private clients dealing with money or credit woes were also dealing with major depression as a result of their financial situation. Whether their challenging financial situation was due to a job loss, excessive debt, unexpected financial expense, or lack of money management skills and knowledge; the emotional stress caused significant mental and physical illnesses like high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, etc

I can absolutely relate. So, I am sharing my Financial Depression Confession of how my money woes made me feel like it was the end of the world and what I did to help myself get better. My hope is that my transparency with this experience will help someone get through their extremely sensitive and painful period of financial depression. 
I dealt with major depression. I didn’t want to get out of bed, wasn’t motivated to clean my house, didn’t want to talk or see anyone, and I cried … A LOT! I suffered from insomnia and exhaustion. I over ate and didn’t exercise, so of course I gained lots of weight, which killed my self-esteem. This vicious cycle made me feel like it was the end of the world! I even contemplated suicide, but honestly … I couldn’t even “financially” afford to kill myself. Wait! Before you judge … depression is a severe psychological illness and if not treated, it can cause the sanest person to consider or do insane things.
WHAT I DID: I got help! I went to clinical counselor to talk about my feelings. I know what you maybe thinking, but talking out some major emotional insecurities and feelings with a qualified third party helped me to deal with those emotions. It also gave me an unbiased support system. I was reminded that my emotions were normal, which helped me to realize that what I was going through was NOT the end of the world. By purging my private pain, I was able to free my mind to think more logically.
I didn't believe that anyone would understand what I was going through. I’m Madam Money! How could anyone understand how or why I was dealing with Money Woes? I didn't think that anyone would understand, so I isolated myself. It was a very lonely place to not have anyone I could trust to share that I was dealing with my deepest and darkest fears of about money.
WHAT I DID: Once I realized that this "lie" I was telling myself was bred from my PRIDE. I was too proud to ask for help. So, I had to humble myself and ask my a core circle of family and friends for help. I established specific roles for each of them to help me. For example, I had friends that helped me and held me accountable for eating better and exercising, friends that made me get out of the house to avoid isolation, and a family member that helped me financially when I absolutely needed. Asking for help was the hardest thing for me to do, but it was the best thing I could have ever done. And guess what, they understood because they experienced what I was going through.

Emotionally and mentally, I was paralyzed. I just couldn't move past what I was going through. Yes, I prayed and did my best to trust that God would get me through it, but I just couldn't do what was necessary to allow God to move. “Faith without Works is dead!” I knew that Bible verse and said it to myself every day. But … I felt helpless and hopeless which kept me paralyzed.
WHAT I DID: I changed my MIND! I realized that the eyes may be the strongest muscles in the body, but the Mind (brain) is the hardest muscle to change. So, I worked at it everyday. I changed what I watched, read and listened to. I became extremely protective about what I allowed to enter my mind because Thoughts turn into Words, Words turn into more Thoughts and those Thoughts turn into Actions or Non-Actions. What we visualize will actualize (positive or negative) so I only allowed positive and actionable thoughts, through affirmations, songs, books, etc.
I medicated my pain through spending money on eating out every day, drinking and shopping. Oh yes I did! Dealing with the pain was too painful. So I tried to numb the pain by doing the opposite of was I know to do. Knowing what to do and how to do it but doing the opposite is “self-sabotage.” I become my own worst enemy. I became my most challenging client.

WHAT I DID: I got help from another financial coach. Yup! Coaches need coaching too. Even though I didn’t need my coach to tell me what to do; I needed my coach to hold me accountable to do what I know I’m supposed to do. My coach guided me through the process as a support system to stop my financial hemorrhaging caused by my financial self-sabotage. 

Everything I did to try to improve my situation, just didn't work. The more my attempts failed the more I doubted myself and my ability to fix my situation. How do you destroy the most confident person in the world … 
DOUBT! Doubt is the direct result of Fear, which is “False Evidence Appearing Real.” Bottom line … I was afraid to fail and because my attempts weren't working, this failure made me doubt everything.
WHAT I DID: Believe it or not … I connected with others! By connecting and networking with other people and professionals, I had intellectually stimulating conversations. Those conversations helped me build new relationships and networks. Those new relationships and networks valued my connection because of my personality, expertise or passion. This built up my confidence. Not only that, I connected with people who experienced my challenges, or knew someone who could assist me with my some of my challenges. This built up my confidence and reduced my doubt. 

I’m not saying that everything that I did to help me will help you. But I am saying that there is HOPE and HELP for anything that you may be going through. 

Whatever you are going through, even though it may feel like it … it is NOT the end of the world.  It is the beginning of a new opportunity to make you stronger than ever to improve your current financial situation. 
I look forward to being a resource to help you through my pain, passion and purpose.

Making Money Matters Manageable,

Tarra Jackson